Before kids, on the Upper West Side of NYC, I took a spin class on a random Tuesday morning — nothing special about it except that I remember it with startling clarity. I was drenched, legs shaking, heart pounding in my ears. The studio smelled like rubber and ambition. The music thumped; the lights pulsed; I felt like I was working my whole life out on that bike.

We were in the middle of intervals — these brutal sprints followed by what I always thought of as the “throwaway” part, the little rest periods where you catch your breath before you suffer again. The teacher called out over the music, “Remember: the rest is just as important as the work.”

I nearly laughed. What?

In what universe?

I had spent most of my life believing rest was the reward for work, not part of it. Rest happened at the end, after I’d earned it, after I’d emptied myself out. But here was this person shouting as if it were obvious: rest is equal to work. I didn’t understand it yet, but something in me cracked open.

Then I became a parent, and the lesson arrived again, this time much louder.

Before kids, I used to think I was pretty good at rest. I could squeeze it in around the edges: the flop onto the couch after a long shift, those miraculous fifteen minutes between emails, a walk around the block when my brain felt fried. It wasn’t especially intentional, but it kept me going.

When you have babies, though, the edges disappear. There are no scraps. I remember people telling me, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” and I wanted to say, “Great! And when do I live my life? When do I be a person?” There simply isn’t enough time, and whatever time there is rarely looks like rest.

What I learned at the Wise Women’s Council changed everything. Rest is not only sleep. Rest can be — and often needs to be — something else entirely.

I fell in love with this acronym: EAT.

Rest is the Energy, Attention, and Time we return to ourselves, explained Jordan Maney, one of the guest speakers this year.

Energy: noticing what drains me and what fills me.

Attention: giving myself even a sliver of the focus I give my clients, my kids, my work.

Time: choosing to spend a few minutes on something that’s for me and no one else.

Entrepreneurs and parents are Olympic-level givers. We pour our energy, our attention, our time into so many people: children, partners, coworkers, clients, family members. It’s easy, almost effortless, to put ourselves last on the list. And we all know what happens to the things at the bottom of the list: they go to die.

The truth is, I didn’t grow up seeing rest modeled in any intentional way. My parents worked incredibly hard, at work, and then at home. There was always a project around the house, always a meal to cook, always something to be done. There was creativity and purpose in that, and I’m grateful for the example of dedication. But rest, when it happened, was the collapse — the exhale when every tank was entirely empty.

No one taught me that proactive rest could prevent that collapse. That choosing to repair myself before I was depleted wasn’t lazy or indulgent, it was strategic, sustaining, even brave.

What does rest look like for me today?

Sometimes it’s going to bed a little earlier so I can curl up with a novel under the covers, letting the story soften the edges of the day. Sometimes it’s taking an extra minute — or five — in the shower so I can belt out a song and remember I have a voice outside of work and parenting.

Sometimes rest looks like connection: leaving a rambling, too-long voice note for a friend because I crave the feeling of being known.

Sometimes it’s sweetness: giving my four-year-old an unhurried cuddle just because it fills something in me that nothing else does.

Sometimes it’s uncomplicated joy: tossing a toy for the dog, letting myself laugh at his goofy enthusiasm.

Sometimes it’s choosing to watch K-Pop Demon Hunters with my kids — to actually be with them — instead of multitasking my way through the moment with one eye on my email.

Learning this hasn’t happened in a single epiphany. It’s slow and ongoing. It’s me catching myself reaching for my laptop at 9 p.m. and asking, “What would EAT look like right now?” It’s stepping outside for five quiet minutes between meetings because my body needs air more than it needs inbox zero. It’s closing my eyes in the middle of a chaotic day and remembering that I am not a machine.

I’m still unlearning the version of rest I inherited, the kind you collapse into only when you’re spent. I’m learning the kind that refuels you before you break down. The kind that makes the next interval possible.

Because maybe that spin instructor was right all along. Maybe the rest is the part that transforms the work from something we survive into something we can sustain. Maybe rest isn’t what happens after you give everything away, maybe it’s what allows you to give in the first place.

Maybe rest is the interval that carries us forward.

Hannah Howard is the author of the memoirs Feast: True Love in and out of the Kitchen and Plenty: A Memoir of Food and Family. She writes for Food & Wine, Travel + Leisure, and Bon Appetit. Hannah lives in Chicago with her family and loves stinky cheese. Subscribe to her Substack, Letters from Hannah. She is also a member of The Wise Women’s Council.

In about a week, the schools will close for the winter holiday, my kids will be home, and we’ll begin the holiday travels that happen at the end of December.

For too many years, one of the last things on my list was taking care of myself. If I even made the list. To be honest, it never crossed my mind to put myself on this list as a consideration — I just packed my stuff, through some stuff together, and crammed it all into the last minute.

I would run around the house, making sure the kids’ bags were packed; that each had a stuffy and a book and a blanket; that we had an abundance of their favorite snacks. I’d tidy the house, cleaning everything up, making sure the fridge was clean (no spoiled food!), and that mice wouldn’t take up home in our house while we were gone.

I’d go so far as to make sure the house was—what, exactly?—hotel ready?

WHY?

It just never occurred to me that I could do it any differently. Whether that’s from watching a million TV moms scramble during the holidays, or watching my own mother do the same, I never heard anyone say that it was okay to:

1. Slow down.

2. Take care of myself in exquisite fashion.

3. Plan ahead for my own comfort and joy (comfort and joy!)

This year, the layers of lessons we teach in The Wise Women’s Council are continuing to unfurl in my life, in the most beautiful ways. These lessons are subtle but profound. And I can see it in the way that I’ve been preparing for the holidays differently this year. I can see how I’ve let something beautiful, tender, and sweet into my life. While taking care of the house, the family, the children, the presents, the travel, the puppy, the car… I’m also giving myself room in here, too. To do beautiful things for me.

Here’s how I’m preparing for the holidays

The next two weeks will be a disruption for me — it will be filled with noise, chaos, shuffled schedules, changed sleeping arrangements, lots of travel, different lighting, brand-new food — all of it a recipe for over-stimulation and overwhelm. As a person who likes a bit of agency, and as someone exquisitely sensitive to sensory input and interpersonal dynamics — if I do a bit of preparation, I’ll be able to enjoy so much more of it.

Some of the ways that I can prepare (and take care)—of me:

• Finding delightful novels to read. I went to Libby (the library app) and downloaded a selection of novels for me to pick from during the next two weeks. And! I started reading one of them, so I’m already absorbed in it.

• Packing the coziest clothes with the softest fabrics and the stretchiest waistbands. Because I want to enjoy all the delicious food and feel great.

• Bringing MY favorite snacks so that I can have delicious things when I want. (Favorite travel snacks: salted pistachios, pumpkin seeds, or macademia nuts; dark chocolate; something chewy and sweet like red vines). Sometimes I order them ahead of time to be shipped to location!

• Researching TV shows and series that I can watch while I’m there, including comedy that’s family-friendly, and downloading it to my devices.

• Coordinating with my siblings in advance to get a sense of schedule (and coordinate all the naps!) — I can go into detail on how we do this, by the way!

• Looking up gyms in the area(s) we’re traveling to, calling in advance, and figuring out what a one-week or one-month membership looks like.

• Planning walking routes by downloading AllTrails for the area(s) and bookmarking hiking trails and local walks.

• Writing a small index card of reminders with questions I’d love to ask people while I’m there (I don’t always think of things on-the-spot, so this helps me); another notecard with boundary scripts (for when I’m too tired to think, and I need support with my words), and a short list of people that I want to be in touch with and text to check-in on (and who often check in on me).

This is not to say that other people don’t have beautiful intentions—often, they do. But I don’t want to be my own afterthought at Christmas. I don’t want to get to the end of the day, resentful that I’ve carried the day for everyone else, too hungry / tired / dysfunctional to be able to do anything other than scroll memes and eat a million cookies (both of which I will be doing, of course).

But I also want to enjoy these moments. Savor them. Soak them in.

So I’ve taken up some time preparing for me, just like I do for my kids— well, okay that’s not exactly true, they will be getting 10x as more of my energy — BUT: each thing I look something up for the kids, like museums and activities and shows, I remind myself to make sure I look something up that’s for me.

Because I deserve to be taken care of.

And so do you.

Over to you: what do you do to enjoy the holidays? How do you take care of yourself? I want to hear all of the ways, no matter how big or how small!

— Sarah Peck
CEO. Writer. Founder.

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You likely know this feeling. You feel it in your bones.

So what can we do about this exhaustion?

I’ll make a confession that feels strange to say, but I know is important: Once a week, I stay in bed for a late morning. Not on the weekends—those are typically filled with kids waking up too early and starting dance parties. But during the week, I give myself permission to rest. It’s hard to do, especially for someone like me, who was trained in the corporate world where productivity is the gold standard.

Hustle culture teaches us that if we’re resting, we’re ‘lazy’ or ‘underperforming.’ We’re told to maximize every hour of the day, become more efficient, and pack our mornings with multiple habits to ‘win.’

Maximize all hours of your day, productivity experts shout.

Increase your efficiency and output, systems experts tell us.

If you’re not doing 5 things in your morning routine, are you even winning?

I learned, painfully, that if you push all the time, your body will demand rest. Constantly pushing ourselves leads to burnout, illness, exhaustion, and apathy. At some point, more coffee, cold plunges, habits, or routines won’t repair the 100+ hour work weeks that people do trying to balance parenting, care taking, life, and work.

The solution is to carve out rest in more unusual ways.

Good rest is the unlock to real productivity.

Our culture doesn’t prioritize rest. It asks people to push harder, and then replaces people when they burn out. In today’s world, prioritizing rest is a radical act.

The biggest fallacy of rest is the idea that it will happen later. Only after you finish this big project will you take a vacation. The problem with this thinking is that most of the time it doesn’t work. There’s always another project or deadline. When you finally get that big break or vacation, often people get sick — it’s shown that when people push themselves too hard for too long, their bodies collapse afterwards.

Rest needs to happen every day. It’s like earning money: sure, it’s nice to think about winning the lottery, but it’s almost always a better strategy to set up an automatic savings that happens in small, regular amounts.

This is where micro-rest comes in.

Micro-rest is the small, daily practices that help us recover and sustain ourselves over the long term. These practices don’t require big chunks of time, but they add up to better long-term wellness and productivity. What does micro-rest look like?

• Stretching after back-to-back meetings

• Taking a slow morning once a week

• Doing deep exhales and stretching your eyes every couple of hours

• Setting a timer to roll your shoulders back twice a day

• Doing a quick gratitude journal in the morning

• Pausing in your car for a few minutes of silence before or after meetings

• Taking a social media or news break for the day

• Enjoying a leisurely lunch

• No-meeting Mondays

The key to micro-rest is that it’s small enough to start today. It’s the kind of rest you can stack with other habits—like stretching while waiting for your coffee to brew. Over time, these practices help you feel better immediately and leave you less exhausted at the end of the day.

The mindset shift that need to happen

The hardest part of building this practice is breaking the cycle of constant productivity. When you're in "hustle mode," the brain tells you to keep going—"Just one more thing!" But the art of micro-rest is learning to stop, even for a moment. It’s about developing the muscle of pausing and checking in with your body before pushing forward.

Constant productivity is like an invisible “Dopamine Stairmaster” that gets a reward for checking things off the list. This monster tells you not to stop. It’s this moment, when you’re in the middle of the push, that you learn to pause and say, right now, let’s take two deep breathes. Let me check in with my body. This is the key practice. For many, this “rest muscle” is atrophied and out of practice.

This isn’t easy. The first 30 days are the hardest, but micro-rest becomes more natural over time. You’ll begin to notice that these small shifts add energy back into your life, instead of draining it.

Every time you push harder, you also need to rest.

• It means unpacking the scripts that we’ve been sold about hustle culture, working overtime, and pushing harder at all costs.

• It means testing and iterating to find the ways that we can rest effectively so that our capacity actually improves.

• It also means understanding the long game, and being honest about the real consequences are when you force yourself into overdrive for too long.

Tiny micro-shifts that add up

We are humans, not machines. Rest is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. And it’s not just for founders, entrepreneurs, or high-powered execs—it’s for everyone. Parents, caregivers, and those juggling multiple roles need to build rest into their lives as a non-negotiable practice.

For me, it’s about taking one midweek morning to rest and reset. After getting the kids off to school, I jump back into bed, sip tea, and relax. It’s a simple act, but it’s my way of resisting the pressure to constantly push. Rest doesn’t have to be a luxury reserved for vacations. Through tiny—sometimes rebellious—acts, we can make it part of our daily lives.

How do you carve out moments of rest in your own schedule? What are your favorite downtime practices, especially if they go against conventional wisdom? I'd love to hear how you incorporate rest and recovery into your daily life.

— Sarah K Peck
CEO & Founder

To read more about the seven types of rest we need, and why social time, creative time, and community activities matter, check out The Seven Types of Rest We Need →

👋 I’m Sarah K Peck and I’m the founder of Startup Parent, where we think about building businesses, lives, and families differently than the norm. My motto? We don’t have to do things the way they’ve always been done. Join me if you want to imagine (and build!) better futures for work, life, and parenting — I'm on LinkedIn, Instagram, Threads, and BlueSky.

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✍️ Essays, stories and insights on parenting and life on Substack​

👾 Founders with Kids — We help tired parents make friends. Apply here​

💜 The Wise Women’s Council, our leadership incubator​

🎧 The Startup Parent Podcast, listen everywhere.​
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Sometimes I get really productive during stress. REALLY productive. It's my coping mechanism and I run around like an energizer bunny, trying to get it all done. But that only lasts a few days before I’m in a heap on the floor, bearing the weight of the world on my mind, wondering why I SUCK AT EVERYTHING and WHY NOTHING IS WORKING. My Inner Monologue t…

Read more

Rest is essential to who we are as humans. Yet according to the National Institutes of Health, nearly 40% of adults report falling asleep during the day without meaning to, and as many as 50 to 70 million Americans have chronic sleep disorders. Plus, if you’re a parent or caretaker, you’re likely dealing with additional layers of exhaustion.

Sleep and rest, however, are different. While there is a lot of talk about sleep deprivation and improving overall sleep, we don’t talk enough about rest and why it’s essential for energy. Most people are woefully under-nourished when it comes to getting the rest they need.

In this article:

• The difference between sleep and rest, and why we need both — and why you might have a rest deficit.

• The seven different types of rest nearly everyone needs,

• The difference between active and passive rest.

• Specific ways to get more rest in your life, so that you feel better right away.

If you’re always tired or you’re emotionally exhausted, but sleeping more isn’t helping, then this might hold a clue to the puzzle.

What is rest?

“Rest is the energy, time, and attention you return to yourself,” Jordan Maney, a rest lab creator and radical joy coach told me. Rest is much more than sleep, Jordan explained. Rest is about longevity, resilience, and recovery.

Jordan taught a rest workshop for our women’s leadership program, and joined me to talk about what rest is, and how to build more rest into your life. Jordan’s work on rest spans burnout, ADHD, hustle culture, protecting your mental health, and when you don’t look or act the way that society expects you to act. Rest is essential for justice and equity work, she says, and it can’t be a luxury or an afterthought.

Sleep and rest are not the same thing

Jordan introduced me to the work of Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a Board-Certified internal medicine physician who examines the reasons why people are chronically tired. Sleep and rest are not the same thing, Dr. Dalton-Smith explains. Yes, we all need quality sleep. But we also need to “replenish all the ways we become depleted," and getting more sleep does not resolve the deficits that build up across all of our rest needs.

“If your definition of rest is limited to sleeping, or binge-watching television on the couch, then you are leaving yourself open to chronic exhaustion,” Dr. Dalton-Smith says. A chronic lack of energy might not be about sleep—at all.

Rest is the space outside of sleep where we are able to refuel and recover. It is also essential for creating the deep, restorative sleep we all need. “We are missing out on the other types of rest that we need,” she says in her TEDxAtlanta talk. “The result is a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired, burned out individuals.” To be resilient, we need plenty of down time, likely far more than we’ve been led to believe.

Dr. Dalton-Smith helps people identify their rest deficits and figure out specific ways to recharge and build back their energy stores. “Many of us are suffering from a rest deficit because we do not understand the power of rest,” she says. “Rest is the most under-used, chemical-free, safe, and effective alternative therapy available to us.” Sleeping pills won’t cut it if your energy stores are being depleted from every other waking minute. That’s because sleep alone is not enough to recharge our batteries.

So what is rest and how do we get it?

THE SEVEN TYPES OF REST YOU NEED

According to Dr. Dalton-Smith, after analyzing the ways in which people rest, she found that there are seven core types of rest that people need. Yes, we all need quality sleep. But we also need "to replenish all the ways we become depleted," says Dr. Dalton-Smith. Knowing what rest you need is about self-discovery, and identifying where your deficits are. 

These are the seven types of rest:

• Emotional Rest

• Mental Rest

• Social Rest

• Creative Rest

• Sensory Rest

• Spiritual Rest

• Physical Rest

Let’s look closer at each type of rest and how to get more of it.

EMOTIONAL REST

Being emotionally rested means being able to express your feelings and cut back on people pleasing. If you are constantly dealing with people who drain you, if you have family members that text you all the time for emotional support, of you have co-workers that rely on you for gossip and personal problem solving, chances are you might be emotionally exhausted.

To get more emotional rest, try identifying which people drain your energy, and find ways to reduce the time you spend with them. You might limit chats, work on responding only at certain times of day, or turn on the “mute” function on text threads.

Emotional rest is a practice in being more honest about what you need, setting boundaries, communicating these boundaries.

MENTAL REST

Mental rest is about being able to quiet your mind chatter and focus on what's important. If you're in your head, stirring up worries or rehearsing past conversations, you need mental rest.

Journaling, venting, mindfulness exercises, or focusing your energy on solving the stickiest hang-ups can help here. There’s a reason why labyrinths and forest walks have been known to be meditative and relaxing—it’s another way to give yourself mental rest.

While it’s unlikely that I’ll have a labyrinth close by, picking a certain route through my neighborhood that I can go on easily has a similar meditative quality to the walk. My partner and I have 15m, 20m, and 30m loops that we can do depending on the day.

Journaling can be a wonderful way to get the chatter out of your mind and onto the page – there’s a reason why hundreds of thousands of people love morning pages.

Therapy or counseling can be tremendously beneficial. While the session itself might be hard, having a place to unpack what’s stuck in my brain and causing a spin cycle of worry or pain can create a lot of mental freedom and rest down the line.

SOCIAL REST

Social rest can be more active, like taking walks with friends, or having a lovely tea and down-time with a friend. It can also be more passive. Passive social rest can include things like scrolling before bed.

Jordan says "It's fine to scroll social media if it helps you zone out, but make sure you switch to active rest too in order to fill your tank.”

You can combine social rest in the form of down time with friends. In this example, coloring with friends can be a form of social, creative, and mental rest.

Here’s an example of social rest and also physical contact, aka sensory stimulation that might create sensory rest as well. I don’t like the metaphor of killing two birds with stones, so the better metaphor might be “the longer the robin sits on the egg, the better it grows” (work in progress here).

CREATIVE REST

Creative rest is the rest that comes from being creative—making something, exploring something, building something, for example. If you need more of it in your life, things like sewing, painting, crafting, cooking, or doing puzzles can be deeply rejuvenating.

But if your job requires a large amount of creativity and building, then creative rest can also mean resting from creativity if your job requires a high demand from you.

When was the last time you laid in your bed without your phone? Turn off the phone and the work and play around a little with music, or explore dancing or bopping around to delicious music.

Hand-crafting, whether cooking or paper or something else, can be very relaxing. I’ve recently been spending more time with coloring books, and a lot of times I’ll listen to books, podcasts, or music and I love it.

SENSORY REST

Sensory rest is about reducing stimulation. That can mean turning the noise down, dimming lights in the evening, or even taking a warm bath with lavender and salt in a candle-lit room.

For me, I dim lights, play very quiet relaxing music, and sometimes wear headphones to reduce kid noise! I also love a weighted blanket in a dark room for 15 minutes.

SPIRITUAL REST

Spiritual Rest is about having a sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself. This can be faith-based, like meditation or prayer, or this can be about the groups that you belong to, from support groups to regional groups and more.

Volunteering with others, being part of an alumni group, or joining a local choir or music group can all be a form of spiritual rest. A community gathering or regular place of faith can be restorative.

PHYSICAL REST

Last but not least, there is physical rest. This is about resting our physical bodies. Passive physical rest includes sleeping and napping. Dr. Saundra Dalton calls these "cessation activities," which is where you don't physically do anything.

There is also active physical rest, which means restorative activities "that improve our circulation and lymphatic systems and help relax our muscles." This can include leisurely walks, stretching, dancing, yoga, massage therapy, and more. 

Sleep is also an important part of this mix of rest types. We definitely need sleep, and getting more sleep (and better quality sleep) is something the majority of humans need. Sleep alone, however, is not all there is to rest.

ACTIVE AND PASSIVE REST

Within each category of rest, there can be passive rest (where you don’t actually do anything, or you take a break and time away from doing something more intensive). There’s also active rest, in which you proactively do something to encourage rest—for example, getting a massage, going for a walk, actively taking steps to text friends and socialize, for example.

For me, because I work from home, I don’t always get enough in-person socialization! There is a real connection between laughing with people after work, playing games, chatting it up, and the real sense of rest and distance I get from work. I’ve noticed that sometimes, being social at the end of the day can help me better unwind and get even better sleep. For others who are extremely social or in meetings all day, the opposite might be true, with the need to take a break from social events a very real rest need.

HOW TO GET MORE REST

Identify which buckets of yours need to be filled right now

If you're overwhelmed by all the rest you might need, here's what Dr. Dalton-Smith says to do:

• First, start small, she reminds people. If you add a whole bunch to your todo list all at once, it’s not going to be helpful, it’ll just make you more exhausted.

• Rest is not about a major sabbatical or an elaborate vacation. When you start daydreaming about a major sabbatical or a huge vacation, this is a sign that you need more rest in your everyday life, and to start to implement new habits or patterns to get rest within your current situation (in possible). Plus, people are often more tired after vacation because it requires a lot of work and planning, plus you might do a whole slew of activities that don't fill up any of the rest buckets you really need—it's an adventure or a trip, not a respite.) Believe it or not, but a vacation or sleep might not actually solve the tired, but it's 95% of what's thought of as "rest."

• Start with the bucket that feels most depleted. If you feel like you’re mentally over-stimulated at work and you don’t have any creative space in your life, try unwinding at night with a coloring book for five minutes just to doodle and add a little delight back into your life.

• Rest does not need to be BIG to count. Rest is about all the little things we fill ourselves up with. Start small rather than not start at all.

What's the smallest thing that would put a drop in the rest bucket you need most?

• Three minutes of closing your eyes and doing 2x breathing?

• Five minutes of doodle-sketching while listening to beautiful music?

• A short little walk outside to look at the trees?

• Watching a comedy special to laugh more in the evenings?

• Taking an hour away from social media on your favorite day of the week—or—taking an hour specifically to text and gab with whatever friends are online?

— Sarah Peck
CEO & Founder
Startup Parent

PS: What do you do to get enough rest? Leave a note in the comments.

KEY IDEAS & TAKEAWAYS

• “Rest is about the time, energy, and attention you return to yourself,” says Jordan Maney.

• “If you are not purposefully resting, you are not building resilience in your life,” says researcher Saundra Dalton-Smith. “Just stopping is not always restorative. Sometimes something has to be done to pour back into that area where you are being depleted."

• There are seven types of rest: emotional, mental, physical, social, sensory, spiritual, and creative. You can get passive and active rest within each category.

• Getting enough rest is a profound act of resistance and rebellion—especially for Black women, people of color, and people most affected by the isms—racism, sexism, ageism, classism and other systems of oppression.

• Start small, ideally with the buckets that feel most depleted.

A FUTURE OF WORK TO BELIEVE IN

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